by Ella | Sep 9, 2018 | ELLA |
“We rise by lifting others.”
-Robert Ingersoll
For those of you who follow my blog then you know already that I started the Wildfit 90 day Challenge 6 weeks ago. Wildfit is a program that helps you to find your way back to how we evolved to eat. In the last 6 weeks we have cut out everything but vegetables and proteins. Sound horrible? It’s not. Eric Edmeades, the founder of Wildfit has this program down to a science and because so much of it is psychology it doesn’t allow you to really feel deprived. Of course I miss my coffee and my avocado toast, but let me tell you about how I feel. I feel incredible. My energy levels are soaring and my skin is glowing. My allergies have been diminished and I am losing inches. It’s working.
A few weeks ago I was cruising Instagram and an invitation to join a free three day seminar on Business Freedom popped up. The facilitator was none other than Eric Edmeades from Wildfit. Now I am a trained artist/designer with commercial experience, but never have I been trained as a business person. Most of you know that my dream is to one day open a retreat for women and children who have survived domestic violence. I feel like I am treading water though because I just don’t know where to start. Aside from the complexities of my personal life (needing to stay on the down low for safety) I need help. So I decided to sign up for this live three day Business Freedom seminar and see what it was about.
I had the benefit of “meeting” Eric through Wildfit already and I knew that he has a communication style that resonated with me. Perhaps he could actually talk business with the same effect. For 3 hours a day, 3 days in a row, I was glued to my computer for this live seminar. It wasn’t boring at all. I understood everything that was being presented. It got my blood pumping and my mind churning for all the possibilities. I started re-working my vision board and I stuck this image in the center of it.
I created this little image back 2015 when I first started toying with the idea of creating a place where women could come again and again to reboot, recharge, re-connect with themselves, and re-energize. A place where healing could begin after domestic violence had ended. You see there is help to get you out of the crisis. Shelters, domestic violence advocate organizations, churches, etc., have programs to help you to safety. But, after the triage is over you are left alone with someone you don’t really know. Domestic violence is the systematic breaking down of a person over time. It is not easy to just start over when the person you used to be is lost and you don’t recognize the face staring back at you in the mirror. I know this because I lived this. In fact, this is why Rebel Thriver was born over 8 years ago. I was isolated, scared, and completely lost. If I could connect to one person a day I would have felt successful. I knew that there had to be other women out there who could relate to me, I just didn’t realize how many. There are thousands of us from every walk of life around the globe. Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate against social economics, education level, gender, or religion. Domestic violence is all inclusive, and whether you realize it or not there is most likely someone in your life who has been affected by on some level. True Story.
On the second day of the business seminar we were told that there was going to be a giveaway of two tickets to the Business Freedom five day intensive conference in Tallin, Estonia (March 2019). I needed to write an impact statement as to why I thought that this would help me with my business (Rebel Thriver). You can read my impact statement here: Sweet Lemonade. I wrote about the retreat that I want to create so desperately to help other survivors so that they can reclaim their lives and learn to be thrive again.
On the third day the winner was called. I knew that my chances of winning were slim to none. I knew that there were hundreds of others from around the globe in this group who already had thriving businesses and knew exactly how they could make an immediate impact. I prayed to God right before the winner was chosen. “God, if you want this dream of mine to become a reality then I need help. I need this help. Give me a clear sign.” Then I heard my named called out as the winner! It came to me as though through a wind tunnel. Out of nowhere the girl who cannot cry started sobbing. I couldn’t have gotten a clearer sign from above. Divine Intervention? I am sure of it.
I started following the breadcrumbs that have been left for me, and now I am going to Tallin, Estonia in March to learn how to turn this dream into a reality. I am also starting a year long Mastermind Group next month to make sure that I stay on track. I will be meeting and working with so many other amazing talented people who are going to help me make this dream a reality. Now part of the reality is that there are going to be costs associated with the travel and the Mastermind. I will be starting a fundraiser to cover these costs and I will ask all of you to help me. Help me help Rebel Thriver. Help me help you.
There is so much work to be done, but I don’t feel overwhelmed about it anymore. I know that it’s going to come together. One day Rebel Thriver is going to have a Hotel for the Soul. Until then we will keep supporting each other the way we know best, through love and understanding. xo Ella
* If anyone reading this feels that they might have a skill that can help me along this journey I would be thrilled to connect with you. I cannot do this alone. It takes a tribe. You can reach me at rebelthriver@gmail.com.
by Ella | Aug 28, 2018 | ELLA |
Twelve years ago I walked away from my very sick and abusive husband. I literally walked away with a baby on either hip and the clothes on our backs one freezing winter night. I walked away from my hugely successful dream career as a creative Design Director in NYC, from my home, my friends, and colleagues. Just like that, life as I knew it disappeared.
In the last 8 years I started a movement called Rebel Thriver. I have run private groups, workshops, and done personal development coaching all for free in an attempt to help women (and men too) learn how to rise above the mentality of survivor to become a thriver. I also have a team of 8 women who volunteer to help me do this. I knew what it was like to live isolated and alone. I knew that support just didn’t exist once you were out of the initial triage phase (after leaving abuse). I wanted to reach out to help others because there was none for me when I needed it. I wanted to create a community for myself and others. Today the Rebel Thriver Tribe has grown to almost 300K and we span the globe. They are an achingly beautiful group of people.
My situation is extreme. My kids and I had to change our names and social security numbers 3 times in order to stay alive. It was in this time that I started to DREAM about opening up a beautiful “camp” for people to come in order to learn to heal, connect to self, and be educated on self connection, self development, healing, nutrition, etc. An escape for women (and teens) to connect to their inner voices in order to create a path to self love. I want to help these women who have been systematically broken down to lay a brand new stable foundation for them to start over and build onto. I want to help them find connection, a new family, and happiness. A place where they can feel like they belong. That their story matters. That they matter.
I desperately want to do public speaking (high schools, corporate gigs, Ted Talks, Mind Valley, etc), but I cannot put my face out in the public sector yet, as I still have a minor child and it is not safe for us. So for now my dream is to build this beautiful sacred space (in the islands somewhere) as a place of healing and new beginnings. This is where I will start my speaking and teaching practice in order to prepare for the day when I can branch out publicly.
In the process of all of this I will create a new level to the Rebel Thriver Tribe. A place where I can help people find employment and create a healthy life with positive human connections where they can help others to heal and grow. There are so many people who need to overcome trauma (domestic abuse, sexual abuse, recovery from substances and emotional abuse). While the situations are different the way back to living a healthy life is all very similar. There are SO many people who need help and guidance and I want to be the one to give them a chance.
I am currently taking a business seminar called Business Freedom, by Eric Edmeades. He is offering a free Business Freedom Week Seminar this year that I just know would help me to achieve my dreams to help others (AND i do need help). It would give me a way to connect with other business leaders and learn from the best. It will help me to really focus on my business plan and come up with a blueprint as to how best to make the dream become a reality. This seminar will help teach me so that I can in turn help others on a grander scale.
I am an extreme example of learning to thrive whilst my life is still being shadowed by control and abuse of another. I am able to show others what thriving looks like, and that they don’t have to wait to start living. Domestic Violence helped me to learn to embrace my life and be even grateful for my circumstances…for so many reasons. I know how to turn lemons into lemonade many times over.
I am loving this class. Thank you Eric so very much for your generosity. Eric is also the creator of Wildfit of which I am currently a Wildfit participant (this class is helping me keep my mind off of Bread!!!!) Check out my blog post My Journey to Wellness to follow me on my journey with Wildfit. Stay tuned and thanks for your support.
Cheers,
Ella Hicks
www.rebelthriver.org
www.rebelthriver.blog
www.facebook.com/rebelthrivers
www.Instagram.com/rebelthriver
by Ella | Aug 17, 2018 | ELLA |
I believe in finding the path to your best self is critical for living your best life. In keeping with this mindset I am a self-proclaimed wellness kind of gal. What does wellness mean to me? True wellness comes when you take holistic care of your mind, body, and spirit. It’s took me years to realize that self acceptance is what will allow me to have a healthy and whole life.
Today’s world is run by big corporations and everyday we are bombarded with million dollar advertising campaigns in an attempt to capture our dollars. The advertising tends to be in your face, and yet there is always a subliminal message that really seals the deal. These companies pay millions every year to top marketing firms to get people hooked on their products. What if it’s not the product you are buying, but rather an emotion. A hope for what the product will allow you to feel?
I have tried since about the age of 13 to incorporate many “diets” into my life, all in an attempt to achieve the perfect body, glowing skin, and abundant energy. While in my 20’s I found myself working and starving myself most of the time to keep myself model thin. I am embarrassed to say this but for quite a while I sustained myself with buckets of coffee and chocolate Ex-lax. It wasn’t until my hair started to really fall out that I became concerned. It was then that I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, and he was sucking all of what little nutrients my body had right out of me. I will never forget sitting across from the OB/GYN while I told her of my diet. I started crying because I thought that I had already damaged my baby. It was a very emotional day for me, as I was thrilled to find out I would become a mother for the first time, but it was shadowed by the fact that I was going to be gaining a lot of weight. As the pregnancy rolled on I developed a ferocious appetite like nothing I had ever experienced before. In order for me to keep it together my doctor never told me how the weight was piling on over the nine months. I knew that I was getting HUGE, but I just focused on being a healthy mom and having a healthy baby.
It’s been over 18 years since my first child and what I took away from the experience of being pregnant is that being healthy is the critical component to any life that wants to be well lived. I decided that for me “diets” didn’t work. I chose to eat heathy organic foods and strive to avoid the brainwashing of advertising telling me that if I ate ice cream it would make me happy. It never made me happy, but it did break my skin out and fill me with mucous.
Most recently I did the Keto “diet”. I wanted to see if I could commit to it, and ultimately to see how I would feel after three months. I didn’t find it particularly hard to get on board with since there is a wealth of info, recipes, blogs, and support groups for the program. The hardest thing was depriving myself of sugar, and that’s because I didn’t realize how addicted I had become to it. Food manufactures seem to slip it into everything in order to make things “taste better” and lets be honest, get you hooked on their products as sugar is addictive. By the end of month three, I had greater energy, clear skin, I lost weight, and the brain fog that I so often struggle with lifted. What I didn’t like was the constant berating in my head everytime I was tempted to deprive myself of something I was craving. I can be a real bitch to myself. I did the three months but it didn’t take long for me to start eating all of the things that I love, like sugar and bread. Living a life of deprivation and self hate isn’t the path of wellness that I wanted to be on. Even thought I kept some of the keto diet (no sugar in my coffee) the weight snuck back on, my skin started breaking out, and my energy levels dropped and again. Sigh.
I was still looking for a way to become healthier without having to torture myself daily. One day I was browsing through Mind Valley’s Masterclass offerings (If you do not know Mind Valley then I suggest you check it out. Seriously.) I came across one for a quest called Wildfit 90 given by the founder, Eric Edmeades. It took me just 60 minutes to know that this was something that I had to partake in and I signed up. I am heading into week three and I am in love with the program already. I will be blogging about my journey and in 90 days we will see where I find myself. For all of you who are looking for something similar stay tuned.
xo Ella
Here is some info on Wildfit 90 and Mind Valley for you to check out:
https://www.mindvalley.com
https://getwildfit.com/wf90
by Ella | Feb 3, 2018 | ELLA |
Superbowl Lll is tomorrow and this blog post has been on the tip of my tongue all week. Like many women just the thought of the Superbowl triggers flashbacks. It is said that on this day domestic violence takes a leap. Sadly, I have read articles that say these statistics are not true, but if you are one of the thousands who have lived through it then you know the truth. Even if your abuser’s team wins you will spend countless days dreading the build up to game day, you will walk on eggshells throughout the game, and hold your breath and just pray that you escape this year without incident. Men, booze, testosterone, and sports can be a very scary world if you are an abused woman.
As I sat in the car dealership to have my oil changed the other day I caught a morning talk show with a few ex NFL players. The subject was CTE or Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy. Trust me that I would have turned the channel if I could as listening to millionaires talk about their head damage was not of interest to me. However, within two minutes of listening I heard something that made me shudder to the core. Football players and war Veterans are not the only ones likely to suffer from CTE, but also survivors of domestic violence. WHY had I not heard this before?!
Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) is a degenerative brain disease found in athletes, military veterans, and others (domestic abuse survivors) with a history of repetitive brain trauma. In CTE, a protein called Tau forms clumps that slowly spread throughout the brain, killing brain cells. The symptoms of CTE include memory loss, confusion, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, aggression, depression, anxiety, suicidality, parkinsonism, and, eventually, progressive dementia. These symptoms often begin years or even decades after the last brain trauma.
This kind of brain trauma in domestic violence often goes undetected and untreated, making women vulnerable to problems with thinking, mood, and behavior. These can be debilitating conditions for the survivor. About one quarter of American women have experienced severe physical assaults by a domestic partner in their lifetime. These assaults can include hitting, punching, being slammed into something hard, pushed down the stairs, and having things thrown at them.
In 2014 Ray Rice, a Baltimore Raven, was caught on an elevator video knocking his then fiancee, Janay, out cold. When this happened the attention was all about how Ray Rice had previous concussions and that the rage and aggression shown could be contributed to CTE. Nobody mentioned that Janay, who we all watched being cold-cocked had just suffered a brain injury right in front of our eyes. The more pressing issue was if Rice would be allowed to play football again.
Survivors of assault often don’t seek immediate medical care for the trauma they live through and when they do there are often creative excuses for the injuries. Symptoms can start years after an assault and it makes connecting them to the cause of domestic violence difficult. I am a survivor of domestic violence and an advocate for other survivors. Even though I suffer from terrible memory issues it has never been suggested that I might have CTE. All it takes is a CT scan of the brain that can be done by any neurologist to diagnose it. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and my memory issue has been brushed off even though it is one of my biggest complaints and concerns. Needless to say I will be getting my CT scan soon.
I believe that all women who have a history of domestic abuse should be educated to know that they need to get these brain scans. They need to know where the symptoms they are experiencing are coming from. Memory loss, depression, and anxiety may not just be a result of PTSD. They may have a much deeper and far reaching cause. This is a critical issue and it is one that needs to be put out there. Doctors and victims need to be educated. Sometimes an imaging test of the brain that shows scarring, in a strange way, can be comforting to the survivor. There is then a concrete reason as to why they are having symptoms. It can be a relief to know that you actually have a physical reason for your problems. It needs to be stressed that early intervention is critical for CTE.
As you watch the Superbowl this year please be mindful of the women around you. If you are one of the many women who are reading this today and are living in dread of the game tomorrow, I beg you to try to find an alternate plan for the day. If you cannot then have a safety plan set up. You do not need to continue living like this. Trust me that there is a way out. I know you are scared and tired, but freedom is on the other side of this. I know this because I have lived this. You were not born to be another person’s punching bag. You were not born to be held captive by another person or to be physically, mentally and emotionally tortured either. You are not the crazy one. You are meant for much greater things. There is always a way out so don’t you dare give up. Tomorrow I will be routing for you. #nomore
xo Ella
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224
RAINN Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
** The header picture is from an article Behind Closed Doors by Jennifer O’Neill that appeared in Good Housekeeping 2016.
by Ella | Jun 12, 2017 | ELLA |
In February my sister took the kids and I to see the brand new musical, Dear Evan Hansen. The story is about Evan Hansen, a high school senior who deals with crushing anxiety. He see’s a therapist, takes medicine, and just doesn’t fit in…anywhere. My darling son also deals with these issues at times and we thought that it might be a great way for him to see that he isn’t alone. There are so many people out there struggling from depression & anxiety, and it can lead them to feel incredibly isolated. For a moment we worried that it might actually trigger him, but in the end I thought it was worth the risk. It was.
What an incredible show! I cried through most of the show (as did everyone else). Evan’s is being raised by a single mother (like me) and it was so incredible for me to see that I am not alone. There are plenty of other parents who have highly sensitive children like mine…like Evan Hansen. Her struggles are my struggles too. His struggles are my sons struggles too.
Last night at the 71st Tony Awards, it was nominated for nine awards, winning six including Best Musical, Best Score, and Best Actor in a Musical for Ben Platt who was AMAZING as Evan Hansen. I am still cheering today!
In this crazy upside down world, leave it to the artists to keep us grounded. I never thought that a musical about an awkward and anxious kid could sweep the Tony’s and win over the hearts of so many, including mine. And in the process shine a much-needed light on the struggles of mental illness that are more common than we like to think.
I tell my son that he takes his medicine because his brain doesn’t make enough of a certain chemical. It’s like a diabetic who needs his insulin to balance his blood.
Thank you Dear Evan Hansen for helping me show my son that he isn’t alone. That there are others that understand him and his very personal struggle. Last night was just the cherry on the top as it won critical acclaim, reminding us that it’s okay not to always be ok. What makes us different is also what sets us apart and makes us unique to this world.
If you get a chance to see this amazing play, do it! If you have a teenage kid who struggles like mine, and Evan Hansen, then save your money and try to take them to the show. You cant get much better therapy than this. xo ella
“Don’t waste your time trying to be like everybody else because the things that make you strange are the things that make you powerful.” – Ben Platt
I’ve learned to slam on the brake
Before I even turn the key
Before I make the mistake
Before I lead with the worst of me
Give them no reason to stare
No slipping up if you slip away
So I’ve got nothing to share
Step out, step out of the sun
If you keep getting burned
Step out, step out of the sun
Because you’ve learned, because you’ve learned
On the outside always looking in
Will I ever be more than I’ve always been?
’cause I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass
I’m waving through a window
I try to speak, but nobody can hear
So I wait around for an answer to appear
While I’m watch, watch, watching people pass
I’m waving through a window
Oh, can anybody see, is anybody waving
We start with stars in our eyes
We start believing that we belong
But every sun doesn’t rise
And no one tells you where you went wrong
Step out, step out of the sun
If you keep getting burned
Step out, step out of the sun
Because you’ve learned, because you’ve learned
On the outside always looking in
Will I ever be more than I’ve always been?
’cause I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass
I try to speak, but nobody can hear
So I wait around for an answer to appear
While I’m watch, watch, watching people pass
Oh, can anybody see, is anybody waving?
When you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around
Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound
When you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around
Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound
When you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around
Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound
When you’re falling in a forest and there’s nobody around
Do you ever really crash, or even make a sound
It’s like I never made a sound
Will I ever make a sound?
On the outside always looking in
Will I ever be more than I’ve always been
’cause I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass
So I wait around for an answer to appear
While I’m watch, watch, watching people pass
Can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?
Waving, waving, whoa-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh
“Waving Through a Window” is a song performed
by Ben Platt (Evan) from the Broadway musical
DEAR EVAN HANSEN.
