The Archive
This archive holds years of writing, not a highlight reel, but a record of becoming. These words were written in real time, while learning how to leave, how to stay, and how to return to myself.
Begin anywhere.
The Sacred Threshold: Celebrating Samhain
Tonight, the veil thins. I've known since childhood that the world as we see it is not as it truly is. I was blessed with gifts that showed me what others couldn't see, that whispered truths the visible world tried to hide. I learned early that what was being presented to me was not the only path...
The Beautiful Ache of Letting Go
A mother’s story of survival, healing, and the sacred art of letting go. As a mother, there’s a quote I’ve clung to for years:“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.” — Hodding Carter Jr. I’ve thought about those words often, especially this...
What Happens When the World Turns Away?
The hidden truths of domestic violence and the cost of silence. Abusers don’t arrive with warning labels. No red horns. No cape. They come disguised as everything you thought you ever wanted. That is the hardest truth about domestic abuse. It does not announce itself. It hides in kindness, in...
Thread by Fragile Thread
It came to pass that I found myself a refugee in my own land. I no longer recognized the landscapes around me, nor my reflection in the mirror. I lived in constant fear for my children’s lives, and the uncertain future ahead. Domestic violence was a landscape I had no map for. The fear was...
Your Metamorphosis Is Sacred
Not everyone will understand what you’ve survived.They didn’t see the fear, the shame, or the breaking downthat brought you to your knees under a moonless night. They don’t know what it felt like to live inside the storm,or the way your body remembers what your voice could not say.They didn’t feel...
The Art of Waiting
“I have done nothing all summer but to wait for myself to be myself again.” — Georgia O’Keeffe As this season draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on the power of waiting. I think about how healing often unfolds in silence. It happens in slowness and unseen places. What follows is not an...
Beyond the Title: What Dying for Sex Teaches Us About Trauma, Intimacy, and Reclamation
When I first heard the title, Dying for Sex (Hulu), I assumed I knew what I was walking into. Something provocative. Maybe irreverent. At best, an exploration of pleasure at the edge of mortality. But what I found was something far more sacred—a story of childhood sexual abuse, disconnection from...
Before We Were Daughters — The Women Who Carried Us
Mother’s Day can be tender ground. For some, it is a celebration. For others, a reminder of what was lost, what never was, or what could never be. But before we were daughters, we were souls carried in the wombs of women who carried the stories of those who came before them. Even if the...
This Is Post Traumatic Growth
Trauma leaves lasting imprints on our lives, shaping how we see the world, others, and ourselves. The aftermath can feel overwhelming, as if we are left picking up the pieces of a life we no longer recognize. But within the wreckage, growth is possible. Post-traumatic growth is the process by...
Breaking the Cycle: Empowering Generations to Heal
When I see women stepping away (decentering) from the patriarchy or millennials distancing themselves from their parents, I recognize the same thing happening: a powerful, quiet shift that says, “Please, treat me like a human. I’m done carrying the emotional weight for a connection when you won’t...
Love as the Bridge: Rumi’s Wisdom for a Divided World
Rumi: Loved by many, known by few. Born as Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Balkhī Rūmī in 1207, in what is now Afghanistan, he was a 13th-century Persian poet, Islamic jurist, scholar, theologian, mystic, and Sufi master. Through his poetry, Rūmī expressed themes of divine love, compassion, and the soul’s...
Understanding Trauma: Effects on Brain and Body
When we begin to talk about trauma, it is important to understand that trauma isn't what happens to you, but rather how your body and brain react to that experience. Not everyone responds the same way. Some people are more predisposed to developing post-traumatic stress A traumatic event can cause...
Beltane and the Birth of Summer
It's that time again, when the earth begins to bloom in all her splendor. As we dance into the sacred fires of Beltane this year, our hearts alight with the flames of ancient wisdom, we are reminded of the intricate web of life that surrounds us. In this season of blossoming and growth, we honor...
The Evolution of Rebel Thriver
In the Rebel Thriver community every voice is heard, and every story is valued.
The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart: A Profound Reflection
In the realm of Amazon Prime's extensive library, there's a hidden gem that recently caught my attention: "The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart." Highly recommended by my friend Heather, I embarked on this journey, not fully prepared for the emotions it would stir within me. As I sat through its...
You are not powerless…
Survivors of complex trauma, such as domestic abuse, have a lot to learn about what's happened to their brains and nervous systems in order to understand what it is that they are trying to heal. The study of trauma is relatively new. It was only in 1980 that the American Psychology Association...
Finding My Voice
My name is Sooshmita and I am a survivor. Before I share the story of my arranged marriage, I would like to begin with my childhood, and how I used to be as a young woman. I was born in Birmingham, UK and brought up in London. I remember being very quiet, reserved, and I hardly used to speak. When...
Surfacing
Today was a hard day for so many, but we survived.
Buckle Up
What happened today pushes back against all of this. It’s a push back against women themselves. There are a lot of ways I could write on this subject, but I’ve decided to tell you my story, what I have learned, and what I know.
This is Healing
This is healing. It is love. It is beauty. And it is connection.
Love Your Beautiful Self
Free yourself from the illusion that there is anything wrong with your body other than the story you’ve been telling yourself, about how there’s something wrong with your body.
My Story.
My name is Ella Hicks, and I am the founder of Rebel Thriver. This is my story: While in my late 20’s I fell head over heels in love and married a man I thought I knew. It didn’t take long after we had said our vows that the abuse started to surface. It began with an explosion on our honeymoon. I...
Empty House
“I began to shiver. There was a wind blowing through me; I felt like an empty room with all the windows shattered, terror blowing through me, no comfort left. That was how I felt consciously and distinctly.” - Frederic ProkoschThis is how domestic violence feels at times. It guts you and leaves...
Reality Bites
The days are coming at us faster and harder. And I am not here to give answers. I am attempting to let others know that this is how things are right now. This is a window into our youth at the moment, and the world needs to be aware of it. There are children growing up all around the world in much more dire situations than my own. Where war is the norm what does the future look like?
thank you
Being the uninformed technical person that I am I realized that I had been overlooking something very important for the past few years. While cruising around the Wordpress dashboard of the Rebel Thriver blog I realized that I had 54 pages of mostly unread comments on many of my posts from over the...
Tribute
This incredible man showed me that my heart will never stop expanding. And so on this anniversary of his death my heart breaks open a little wider and my love grows a little brighter. This is my tribute to him. This is my love song.
Lay it Down
After I left my husband I had a hard time finding a path to healing. I didn't know anyone who had lived through domestic violence. No one spoke about it at least. It felt shameful. It was as though I had arrived at a cross roads in my life. Do I hide behind a mask or do I choose to be my authentic...
Bottled Up
Real men don’t cry.
That’s how I was raised. That’s how my dad was raised, and my grandpa, and my great grandpa, and probably every man in my family forever.
Real men don’t show emotion. Well, happiness is okay, and anger if it’s controlled. But sadness? Crying? Never.
Growth Necessary
When I could not find connection locally, I looked internationally. I knew that there were other people who would understand and would want to join into a positive and supportive conversation with me.
Enter Rebel Thriver.
I am RISING because I LOVE you.
I am RISING because I LOVE you.
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
I pray the truth comes out and that people in powerful places are no longer able to wield their power to hurt others. Perhaps I am a bit idealistic, but that’s how I am and I will never give up striving to do better. My calling in this life is to help heal the wounds of survivors. It’s not fancy work, but it is everything to me, for how can we heal the world if we don’t work on healing it’s wounds?
Rising
It’s only been 7 weeks, but that one decision has lead to a string of other opportunities for which I am so grateful. It’s amazing what a year can hold for a person. I guess I am sharing this because I don’t want to seem like the Wizard of Oz, behind the emerald curtain. I want to share my struggles because I think that is where we so often find a common ground.
Learning to Eat
What I didn’t expect was how much psychology was in play with this challenge. It has challenged me to look not only at my relationship with food, but my relationship with myself.
Following Breadcrumbs
"We rise by lifting others." -Robert Ingersoll For those of you who follow my blog then you know already that I started the Wildfit 90 day Challenge 6 weeks ago. Wildfit is a program that helps you to find your way back to how we evolved to eat. In the last 6 weeks we have cut out everything but...
Sweet Lemonade
Twelve years ago I walked away from my very sick and abusive husband. I literally walked away with a baby on either hip and the clothes on our backs one freezing winter night. I walked away from my hugely successful dream career as a creative Design Director in NYC, from my home, my friends, and...
My Journey to Wellness
What does wellness mean to me? True wellness comes when you take holistic care of your mind, body, and spirit. It’s took me years to realize that self acceptance is what will allow me to have a healthy and whole life.
I just can’t remember
Superbowl Lll is tomorrow and this blog post has been on the tip of my tongue all week. Like many women just the thought of the Superbowl triggers flashbacks. It is said that on this day domestic violence takes a leap. Sadly, I have read articles that say these statistics are not true, but if you...
Dear Evan Hansen
In February my sister took the kids and I to see the brand new musical, Dear Evan Hansen. The story is about Evan Hansen, a high school senior who deals with crushing anxiety. He see's a therapist, takes medicine, and just doesn't fit in...anywhere. My darling son also deals with these issues at...
Perfect.
Fuckin' Perfect Made a wrong turn, once or twice Dug my way out, blood and fire Bad decisions, that's alright Welcome to my silly life Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated Look, I'm still around...
Endless
"Love. It will not betray you, dismay you or enslave you. It will set you free." - Mumford & Sons I used to have a warped idea about love. I believed that if I loved deeply and intensely with all of myself I could change the world. My ex-husband walked into my life-like a black hole. He sucked...
Incremental Growth
I don't do New Year's resolutions and I don't believe in diets. I don't think that quick fix fads work, and I believe in buying quality over quantity. I often find myself at odds with the rest of the world, but it wasn't always like this for me. In fact, there was a time when I lived in the fast...
I Choose Joy
Christmas magic is silent. You don't hear it ~ you feel it. You know it. You believe it. I am so blessed to have grown up in a home that celebrated the Christmas season with healthy gusto. As soon as December came around my mother would spin into action. Like a racehorse in the starting gate...
Love One Another
I was born into a large Irish Catholic family. I attended Catholic school and have been fully indocrinated with it's teachings. I've studied the Bible, and I know that I prefer the New Testament to the Old, but that they must stand together to be whole. I don't go to church anymore, but all these...
Honor the Truth
In 1991, a 35-year-old professor named Anita Hill was brought into the public eye when she testified to a Senate Judicial Committee about the sexual harassment she had endured by her former boss, Clarence Thomas. Thomas now proudly sits on the Supreme Court of the United States. I was a young...
Rebel Thriver Q & A
Recently, I was asked to do an interview for an online magazine about Rebel Thriver. I am thrilled when people are interested in what I do and what drives me. Not only does it get some important lifesaving information out to people, but it reaffirms what I want to...
A Rogue Wave
There have been times in my life where sadness has hit me like a rogue wave that sneaks up from behind bringing with it a wicked undertow that tries to pull me out deeper. The wave plants me on my ass in a mess of sadness and despair when it comes crashing down...there are...
The High Road.
It was 4 years ago this week that I began to write in my attempt to heal myself. One sentence turned into two, then three, four and so on until my words started telling my story. I share it in pieces, and when they are connected they create a whole. Perhaps the reason I haven't written a book yet...
The Grand Revolution
Self Love, Self Respect, Self Worth. There Is A Reason They All Start With "Self"...You Can Not find Them In Anyone Else. - Unknown It's February...the 'season of dread' for so many. It breaks my heart to see so many people so despondent over one 'Hallmark holiday' each year. I often...
Revolutionary
I finally understand that the most revolutionary thing I can do is to show up for my life and not be ashamed. I must commit to being real and utterly honest with myself. I must change and let go of the old ways to make room for the new. The time is now. I am rising. I am revolutionary.
Peace on Earth, Please.
I really wanted to write a piece entitled, Peace on Earth, for the holidays this year. In fact, I told everyone that the theme for my December Newsletter would be just this. I have tried so many times to start this but all my words have fallen short. I simply can't write about Peace on Earth when...
Don’t You Dare Give Up.
The Christmas Holiday Season has arrived. This time of year can often be the WORST time for people in abusive relationships. I know this because it was that way for me. I wish I had the freedom to really tell you all the details of when and how I left, but I can't. One day when I am safe I will...
Duck & Pivot
When Sir Isaac Newton discovered the Third Law of Motion he made incredible ground in the world of Physics & Mathematics (at the tender age of 43). He stated that, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Forces always occur in pairs; when one body pushes against another,...
Arriving Home
We come from all different backgrounds. Each of our stories are different. Yet how can we come together and understand each other? Our humanity forever links us. We all feel pain. We all know joy even if it's fleeting, and laughter is a great connector. We recognize this in each other and in this...
Will the Real Ella Hicks Please Stand Up?
May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Ella Hicks please stand up? I repeat, will the real Ella Hicks please stand up? Change can be weird on all accounts. When I first started social media I knew it would be a big risk for me. Putting myself...
The Space Between
Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we're waiting. - Joyce Meyer There are a certain universal truths about being human and one of them is that we will all spend a good amount of time in this lifetime waiting. Passing time sounds like it would be a passive sport,...
Breaking the Shell
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... It is so easy to get caught up in the "woe is me" of life. Here on Earth we all face struggles and as the days fade in and out so do they. Pain can come to us wearing many different faces and I have met just about all of...
Love is Infinite
When I first left my abusive husband, kind-hearted people would often say to me, "Don't worry you are still young and beautiful. You will find another man and fall in love again." That was not what I wanted or needed to hear though. I didn't feel young and beautiful. I didn't want...
The Rebellious Act of Loving Yourself
It's so true isn't it? In our world today we are constantly being dumbed down and the reason is very simple. We will buy more shit if we think it will make us feel better. So, we end up accumulating a lot of stuff that we don't actually need. This is what our society is based on...we are a...
Surviving is Just One Chapter of My Story (By Guest Blogger Tia Jane)
As a survivor of child sexual abuse and adult domestic violence I constantly stand on the precipice of wanting to seek out fellow survivors for solidarity and support and needing to protect the wounds that remain from those experiences. I work in front line child protection and see the evil that...
Who Knew
Who Knew You took my hand You showed me how You promised me you'd be around Uh huh That's right I took your words And I believed In everything You said to me Yeah huh That's rightIf someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out Cause they're all wrong I know...
Catch & Release
Why is that we contradict ourselves over and over again? We know better. We've already determined that life is a full on roller coaster ride with its ups and downs. We've learned from our mistakes and we know that fire burns if you put your hand to it. We are seasoned and yet we continue to try to...
Everybody Hurts
Everybody Hurts When your day is long And the night, the night is yours alone When you're sure you've had enough Of this life, well hang on Don't let yourself go 'Cause everybody cries And everybody hurts sometimes Sometimes everything is wrong Now it's time to sing along When your day is night...
It Did Not Ruin Her
"Never allow your loyalty to become slavery. You only live once." - Author Unknown While sitting on the beach the other day with a dear we talked about writing. Why do we write what we write? I admitted that I am sick of my story. I am sick of being a poster girl for domestic violence....
Little Black Sandals
Little Black Sandals I'm being dragged down, down by the hand The hand of a golden giant man He's crushing my knuckles Splitting my skin, he says he'll let go If only I'd ask it of himHe says Girl, it's your call You wanna fly You wanna fall So I shout I wanna get away from you As fast as I can I...
In Hot Pursuit of Myself
"She wasn't doing a thing that I could see, except standing there, leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together." - J.D. Salinger It is a common misconception that I am an extremely relaxed person. I hear it all the time in fact. I am often asked, "How do you do...
TRY
TRY Put your make-up on Get your nails done Curl your hair Run the extra mile Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you? Get your sexy on Don't be shy, girl Take it off This is what you want, to belong, so they like you Do you like you? You don't have to try so hard You don't have to, give...
Landslide
Landslide I took my love and took it down I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills Till the landslide brought me down Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I...
What’s Your Definition of Vulnerable?
A few years back one of my writing teachers told me that he loved my writing, but he felt I was holding back. He said, "I can feel you guarding yourself. You needed to be more vulnerable; edit yourself less." It's hard to be vulnerable when we have been taught since we were young to edit so much...
Far Far…
FAR FAR Far far, there was this little girl She was praying for something to happen to her Everyday she writes words and more words Just to speak out the thoughts that keep floating inside And she's strong when the dreams come 'Cause they take her, cover her, they are all over The reality looks...
Where’s Your Fire?
"You know when you're in Do or Die mode? When you're hovering and stumbling right to your edge and need to jump just to save yourself from what pushed you there? That's the beginning of everything amazing. Everything worth doing." -Victoria Erickson Why does life has to be so hard and so...
The Importance of Celebrating your Quirks.
You don’t have to fall down the rabbit hole when you hit adolescence you just need to be guided to find your value as a human being. – Ella Hicks
A Hopeful Sadness.
I am feeling incredibly vulnerable lately and this is not the norm for me; I am always the strong one. As an empath I am able to feel everyone else's pain, sadness, and anxiety; but in doing so I shut my own out. I have boxed myself in by wearing this suit of armor. Today, I am taking it off and...
Brooke Axtell’s Speech On Domestic Violence at the 2015 Grammy’s.
Brooke Axtell, Domestic Abuse Speech, 2015 Grammys: http://youtu.be/vfzRV_ofTlo
I Hope That You Never…
I hope that you never have to make a call to save your life. I hope you never know that kind of fear. Knowing that your life hangs in the balance; on a thin thread which is about to snap. I hope you never feel hunted or like your next move, if you are lucky enough to get one, has a narrow margin...
Try a Little Tenderness
"I have learned that the most important things are tenderness and kindness. I can't do without them." - Brigitte Bardot Tenderness and kindness are a necessity in the work that I do, as are empathy and compassion. It's something that you learn especially if you have been kicked in the gut and to...
The Clarity in Being.
You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be. - Marianne Williamson. Ever since I can remember I have been hyper organized. In fact, I used to be called anal retentive. I laugh at the thought of that now because my life has changed so incredibly much since...
The Fine Art of Forgetting.
The struggle of man against power is the struggle of memory against forgetting. - Milan Kundera I escaped my abusive marriage nine years ago this month. I didn't celebrate though for I have taught myself not to look back. A silent acknowledgement of a job well done at this point in my journey...
Love the Skin You’re In.
If being thin is the answer. What is the Question? - Emma Woolf There was an interesting question posed in the midst of World Cup fever this...
The Long Road of Forgetting.
“But the thing about remembering is that you don't forget.” - Tim O'Brien The long road to forgetting is often very painful. I know this road well and it is the reason that I haven't written much lately. It's sometimes feels like I am stuck within the incoming and outgoing tides. I am trending...
Equal Rights – Human Rights.
I am a very fair person. I don't align myself with any political party for I choose to decide on issues. I don't speak religion, because spirituality is so much more than another organization. When it comes to domestic violence I don't advocate only for women. The truth is that men make up 40% of...
A Call to Action.
I decided to devote my life to telling the story because I felt that having survived I owe something to the dead. and anyone who does not remember betrays them again. - Elie Wiesel All it takes is one action to cause a reaction. This week I watched Janay Palmer get knocked out in an elevator, and...
“Why didn’t she leave?” has been published!
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/didnt-leave-abuse-survivor-speaks-fiff/">
Why didn’t she leave?
I stayed in an abusive marriage for 11 years because I was afraid. Today's media soundbite is shocking to me. "Why didn't she leave?" As though it were her fault that she was married to an abusive man and caught in the cycle of abuse. If people are so curious then why don't the just do a little...
Standing Still.
"Sometimes it takes years to really grasp what has happened to your life." -Wilma Rudolph It can be a hard pill to swallow when you realize that you are out of the forest, but not out...
What can we gain from suffering?
One common thread that connects us all is our suffering. Perhaps suffering exists so that we are drawn to each other. So that we make connections to unite under a common bond. Struggles are what teach us. They are the growing pains in life. They carve into our souls the depth needed...
Why I write and other curiosities….
When my dear friend Patricia Saxton asked me to join her "blog hop" I responded with an instant "YES". I have neglected my writing for months and I am always better on a deadline of sorts. So, I took that challenge and here I am preparing to write about writing. We all have our own way of doing...
What’s with her?
"What's with her?" they ask. Even if I can't hear them I know they think it. Better yet..."Why can't she just get over it?" Who do I speak of? Mostly my family members. I know, the very people who should try to understand don't. The people closest to you sometimes feel the farthest away. I guess...
Frustration Precedes Success.
"Success is not built on success. It's built on failure. It's built on frustration. Sometimes its built on catastrophe." - Sumner Redstone Frustration is a four letter word to me. It's one of the worst feelings to experience. I...
This is My Love Song.
"Love is so short, forgetting is so long." - Pablo Neruda So it goes...Life rolls on. Two years have passed and I still miss you. Who says that time heals all wounds? Yes, it's true, some losses are unbearable; yet somehow we bear them. Everywhere I look, the empty space is filled with you. Life...
Acceptance.
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. - Ivy Baker I lost my kids for a week; actually they went on a vacation of a lifetime. I stayed home. I thought about running away and hopping a plane to an exotic local. Another adventure for this...
Mourning and Melancholia.
"Grief is different. Grief has no distance. Grief comes in waves, paroxysms, sudden apprehensions that weaken the knees and blind the eyes and obliterate the dailiness of life. - Joan Didion Lately, I have been knocked on my ass by rogue waves. They come out of no where as the term "rogue" would...
Make it Count.
My name is Ella and I lived in an abusive marriage for almost 11 years. Ultimately, my children and I could not walk away; we had to run fast and hard to escape. I turned my back on 20 years of life, our home, my amazing career, and all of our friends. There was no farewell party for us, just...
Wild at Heart.
"This whole world's wild at heart and weird on top." - Lula It's been a wild ride, my life. Most day's I just go about the business of being me; mother, daughter, friend, and perpetual rebel with a cause. Other day's my reality, or shall I say the disbelief that I have lived this life...survived...
Light, Shadows & Balance.
It will always take a light to shine in order create a shadow. Shadow is just another word for shade...which is really quite lovely on a hot sunny day. A perfect example of balance. Now, if you look close enough to either sides of this result you can find darkness. Yes, even in the light. Too much...
Love, drugs, and other vices.
"Showing out, showing out, hit and run The boy meets girl and the beat goes on Stitched up tight, can't stay free Love is the drug, got a hook on me Oh, catch that buzz Love is the drug for me" (Roxy Music) I like to think that I am a healthy girl. I mean I just gave up caffeine. Hard to...
Circle Back.
“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” - Shauna Niequist And so it goes day in and day out as we live our lives. Planning and dreaming for what we hope will manifest in our lives. I often speak of my life in relation to the tides. I...
Finding Ella.
She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went. It's easier to feel the sunlight without them, she said. - Brian Andreas I am on my journey; well into it in fact. Just when I think I am making ground, life socks it to me. Maybe it is to keep me humble. To remind me that I am far from...
The Cycle.
I had an "Ah ha" moment this week. It was really more of an "Oh my GOD, get your head outta your arse" moment. I am not too proud to admit when I feel as though I have been foolish...dumb...oblivious. DENIAL really is a powerful thing. Now, for those of you who are immediately reading this and...
Rise Up.
Many years ago I lived as a prisoner in an apartment that most wouldn't recognize as a cell. I don't like to go back there in my head...there are some scary memories that lurk there. The truth is that no matter how much work I have done on releasing my past, some nightmares never leave you. Oh...
Remember. Now let go.
Has anyone ever told you that you are allowed to be free of the chains that bind you? You have a ticket to freedom and you may not even realize it. It comes at a cost though. You have to do the work. I assure you that if I didn't do the work in myself I wouldn't be here writing this post. Let me...
Becoming.
A year ago today I sat down and wrote my very first blog post. I called my blog Rebel Thriver for a very specific reason. It was a year ago that I had decided that I was tired of living within the confines of the life I was regulated to as a result of domestic violence. I was tired of the...
Rebel With A Cause.
I am finally at a place in my life where I can tell my story and not feel burdened by it. It is my past, and I am NOT my past or what happened to me. People so often want to feel sorry for me when I tell them a bit of my story. Which is one of the reasons I don't share it too much; and details...
My Blooming Garden.
"In search of my mother's garden, I found my own." - Alice Walker I have no daughter; it's something that I will always long for deep within. I have felt the need to create the relationship with a daughter that I never had with my own mother. I know as a parent that no one gives you a manual;...
I am the Flow…
I am the flow. I love this; it is my new mantra lately. This, from a girl who has spent her entire life swimming against the flow. Why? I don't know why. I just never felt like I fit in. I was always swimming up-stream while everyone else was swimming downstream. Perhaps it was my...
The Magic Returns.
The Holidays are here and this is my magical time of the year. I usually start decorating on Thanksgiving weekend and I keep going right until we nestle in for Santa's arrival on Christmas Eve. Growing up, my mother made Christmas an adventure. We didn't have a lot of money when I was little, but...
It’s the Getting Up that Counts.
It's not really the falling down that is the problem...it's whether or not you get up. You should know by now that life takes no hostages. We live in a dog eat dog world where everyone is preoccupied with climbing up the rungs of the ladder of success. Humans are more concerned with winning the...
The Crack in my Soul.
There is a crack in my soul that I didn't even realize I had. I realized that at one point in my life no so long ago I had many; maybe a few hairline fractures left, but NOT this. I have had the privilege of being raised by amazingly loving parents who have been together for over 55 years. My...
Turning the Page.
And finally I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside, and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be, and could be, if there weren't any other people living in the world. - Anne Frank It would seem that as soon as I...
Shining a Light on Darkness.
How do you shine a light on darkness? This came up tonight in a discussion on the Rebel Thriver Facebook page. I am not a bold in your face kinda gal. I am a strong, fiercely independent, but for the most part reserved type. I would rather laugh than scream and I don't carry a big stick. I...
It’s Never to Late to Write a Happy Ending.
As a little girl I had BIG dreams for my life. The truth is that my life has turned out nothing like I thought it would back when I was a kid. Everything is different from what I imagined it would be. I had expectations even then. One thing I have learned on this journey is that if you have...
If the sky falls…hold up your hands.
I'm tired. If you knew how much courage it takes for me to admit this you might be surprised. I am really tired. Trust me here....this isn't a post for a pity party. This is honestly my deep and true feelings. It's hard to explain, but for me being tired is being weak. I haven't stopped since...
Finding Balance.
I am always running 10 steps ahead of myself. I'm not hyper, but I am excitable. I love the idea of yoga. In my mind, balance goes hand in hand with yoga. I have taken yoga classes and done my share of meditation; usually guided, otherwise the voices in my head take over and the next thing I...
Learning to Work the Dimmer Switch.
As an artist I am full of emotional ups and downs. I have tried to quell them with different things over the years. I have realized though that my feelings are not meant to be turned off or dulled down. I feel because I am alive and I am fully human. The thing I struggle with the most is that...
You Grow Girl!
“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or...
Finding Calm in the Center if the Storm.
I am thankful that I can say that I have never lived through a tornado. I don't know how people do. I've seen The Wizard of Oz enough to know that I don't want to be swept up and taken away to a far away and unfamiliar place. That's what can happen though both literally and figuratively in real...
Who’s that girl in the mirror?
Do you know who you are? I mean do you really know. I thought I did pretty much. I have accepted my past and made the decision to move on with my life. I thought that would have given me some serious insight into who I really am. The truth is that really knowing yourself is a constant process...
When You Stumble…Make it a Part of the Dance.
When you stumble, make it a part of the dance. If life has knocked you down a lot you might be really good at this already. Grace under fire. I am getting better with this as the years go by. No one likes to fall, especially when it's in front of other people; and those people are usually the...
Catching the Next Wave…
So this is where we get real and I let you peer into the once gaping hole that was recently left in me. To write about Roger is like trying to remember a dream as it fades. He left my life as quickly as he entered it; and it remains a sensitive spot. “One day you will ask me which is more...
Can I Lend You My Wings?
We were all meant to soar! To be free to fly free without any tethers. It's funny how life is though; it really is like a roller coaster...just when you find yourself up you can drop without a seconds notice. That feeling of falling is almost indescribable. You drop and the adrenaline hits...
How Deep Does Your Beauty Run?
We have all heard the old adage, "Beauty is only skin deep." It hit me today how false this is. It's one of those sayings that we grow up hearing over and over. The intent is good, but it not really truthful. In today's world we are bombarded daily with false images of skinny women with...
Never Mind the Joneses.
First of all I would like to ask, WHO ARE THE JONESES ANYWAY? Where did they come from? What makes them so special? Why do I want to keep up with them? Can someone please enlighten me??? Never mind the Joneses. That's what I have to say. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves everyday...
“The Super Hero in me is tired.”
The first time I read this quote I claimed it for my own. "The super hero in me is tired." It's true we all get tired...sometimes absolutely exhausted. Dealing with emotions can be really tough stuff. If you have survived anything in this life and found the gumption to keep on going this post...
Get your Finger off the Trigger
The truth is that it doesn't matter how long you are free...those damned triggers suck! They can derail you at a moments notice. Just when you think you are gaining momentum and peace you can find yourself curled into a ball wondering what just happened. Trigger: an emotional or physical reaction...
Flying Lessons
I believe that we are all meant to soar. Sometimes we forget how to fly or we never really learn how to from the start. It happened to me; I forgot how to fly. Living in an abusive relationship for so long broke me down. I forgot that I was the captain of my ship and I gave the wheel over to...
Cliff Diving
Sometimes sharing about yourself can feel like diving off a cliff. In fact, I have much trepidation about it, but I have decided that I am ready for a change. I’m tired of being called a survivor. Yes, survivor is better than victim, but it's not enough. To say you are a survivor and to settle...
Sometimes you have to be your own hero…
It's true. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and make a change. Believe me when I say 'it's not going to be easy'. It is going to take time, patience, planning, and a lot of self love. You can do this. Try a little hope and join me. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side...